Jake's Webbed Journal

My sister Sarah took this picture of me at home yesterday in...

Mon, 04 Aug 2008 17:41:37 -0400

My sister Sarah took this picture of me at home yesterday in Connecticut. When she first took it she said, “Oh no! You stood up and I cut off the top of your head.” But that’s the exact reason I like this picture so much.

The outtakes I posted below are from this Hardly Working! I...

Thu, 31 Jul 2008 16:18:15 -0400

The outtakes I posted below are from this Hardly Working! I really like this one, for all of the obvious reasons. But also for some less obvious ones. Firstly, because I got to do a lot of background acting. One of my favorite things is to make subtle jokes that are rewarding only really when you watch a video for a 3rd or 4th time. I thought it’d be really funny to be super nonchalant as each of my fellow coworkers gets terrorized. Behind the real action, see if you can find me 1.) Looking at my phone. 2) Chugging a bottle of Green Tea and 3.) Stretching my shoulders. There’s also a great shot of Dan crying during Pat and J-Mike’s couch shot.

The other reason I love this video is because it features John Zanussi and Andrew Pile, two programmers who don’t usually get to step in front of the camera. They each did an awesome job. Obviously.

Amir took some footage as we shot our latest Hardly Woring,...

Thu, 31 Jul 2008 11:50:33 -0400

Amir took some footage as we shot our latest Hardly Woring, which should debut today or tomorrow. I’ve always been really terrible at keeping a straight face while we shoot anything. And considering how long it usually takes, this wasn’t too bad.

I like posting Hardly Working behind the scenes stuff because it shows how much fun they are to make. And I think that’s part of the appeal of the HW videos. Aside from hopefully being funny, I think people like them because we’re all clearly having so much making them.

If you couldn’t make it to the CH live show last night...

Fri, 25 Jul 2008 16:17:00 -0400

If you couldn’t make it to the CH live show last night there are a bunch of pictures on flickr to tide you over until we can release the videos. It was a really awesome night, this picture is one of my favorites.

This video is hilarious. It was done by some of the guys over at...

Wed, 23 Jul 2008 23:38:44 -0400

This video is hilarious. It was done by some of the guys over at vimeo on the other side of the office- specifically Casey Donahue and Blake Whitman. It reminds me a lot of the kind of absurd humor we usually enjoy putting into a Hardly Working.

I love it because these guys, despite working for a completely different website, are a lot like us at CH. At the end of the day, we’re all a bunch of immature 20 year olds with expensive video cameras. Break out performance by Sean Nelson.

Locked in a Room

Tue, 22 Jul 2008 23:44:01 -0400

A little context in regards to my post below this one. A bunch of the CH edit staff and I went up to 34th St. where our production team- and more specifically, Sam Reich, were shooting a video. Today is Sam’s birthday so we were all there to surprise him, give him a bunch of flowers, and sing Happy Birthday.

They were shooting in a big office building and it was mostly empty. After the whole birthday thing was over we were all kind of wandering around. Jeff poked his head into a room, and not wanting to miss an opportunity to mess with him, I shoved him inside and slammed the door behind us, making it seem like I brought him in there to beat him mercilessly while no one could come to his rescue. (This chain of thought may have had something to do with seeing The Dark Knight this weekend.)

Either way, after the joke was over, we tried to get out and the door wouldn’t open. We knocked and called out for help. I could hear Amir laughing on the other side of the door when I said we were locked in. He started jiggling the handle. “It’s locked here too!” I knew he was being a dick, but fortunately there was another door, a sliding one with a porthole in it. I walked over and pulled. Nothing. This one was bolted shut. I walked back over to the first door to wait for Amir’s joke to get old.

Then I heard Taco’s voice. His voice sounded more honest, “I think it’s actually locked.” More jiggling of the handle, this time harder. Amir’s voice again, laughing, “Oh my God, it’s really locked?” Harder laughing.

It seemed fitting that the other door had a window on it. It allowed every person we came up there with, and people who were already on the shoot, to come mock us for our stupidity. Even the maintenance guy who had to come let us out fucked with us, saying we had to wait for a welder to come, and that we might run out of oxygen.

All in all we were maybe in there for 15 to 20 minutes. It felt longer. Being honest though, I don’t think I learned any lesson. Given the same opportunity I think I’d still like to make the “I’m going to beat the shit out of you in an empty room and no one can stop me joke.” I think that’s how I know I’m in the right line of work.

Jeff Rosenberg and I are currently locked in this room.

Tue, 22 Jul 2008 18:34:44 -0400

Jeff Rosenberg and I are currently locked in this room.

Washing Your Hands

Tue, 22 Jul 2008 08:23:00 -0400

I was in the bathroom yesterday with one of my coworkers, J-Mo. We peed at the urinals side by side, and afterwards J-Mo remarked on the way I wash my hands.

“You’re a rinser too?” He said.

J-Mo, like me, doesn’t feel the need to really scrub your hands down with soap after peeing. We discussed the matter further. My theory is that in the shower I am probably the most thorough when washing my crotch. J-Mo also pointed out that it’s under two layers of clothing all day.

“Your hands are what’s dirty. You should wash your dick after you take a piss.”

While admittedly vulgar, he has a point.

Shout Out

Sat, 19 Jul 2008 08:57:00 -0400

Jon Gabrus, a really funny dude and a friend of mine, hosts a webshow called Lunchbox on IFC.com. In his latest show he mentioned Jake and Amir dot com. This is high praise since I think Jon Gabrus is one of the funniest people I’ve ever actually met in person. I’m also a fan of Lunchbox. Here’s the video we’re mentioned it. For those restless people, we’re number three.*

Oh, and here’s Jon Gabrus telling an awesome story.

* The video wasn’t working here so I took it down, you can still check it out on the Lunchbox site.

I really like this new Hardly Working a lot. I like it because...

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 11:05:00 -0400

I really like this new Hardly Working a lot. I like it because we were able to make it without most of the edit guys. You’ll notice Streeter, Jeff, Amir and Dan aren’t in it. Since they were all out a lot of our new interns got a chance to shine. I love that Rosie gets to be the break out star.

Interesting fact. We also have a really offensive looking Asian person mask that Ricky brought home from his vacation in Japan. We were going to use it, but ultimately decided it was too racist. People watching this video don’t know they’re missing out on Asian Bear, Asian Superman and Asian Table.

All Things Robot

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 23:30:00 -0400

I’ve been talking about updating my robot website, roboboring, for a really long time. And now, it’s finally happening. Kind of. Thanks to the efforts of Amir Cohen, Caldwell Tanner and myself (but mostly them) we’re launching our newest robot site, Totally Robot.

It’s a lot like roboboring in that I’ll continue to draw comics. But it’s also really different. Totally Robot is going to be a home for all things robotic. So if you have robot stories, pictures, drawings, movies, anything, just send them to totesrobot at gmail dot com. Of course, suggestions for comics are still welcome.

I’m really into my latest article on CollegeHumor. This...

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 23:22:51 -0400

I’m really into my latest article on CollegeHumor. This was a pretty strange idea and it never would have come to fruition without the talents of our awesome summer Illustrator, Caldwell Tanner.

Cancel all your plans for July 24th. Unless you were planning on...

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 11:11:59 -0400

Cancel all your plans for July 24th. Unless you were planning on coming to CollegeHumor’s live show, in that case just don’t make any changes to your plans at all. I’m really looking forward to this, it’s something the guys have been talking about since before I started and the fact that I’m able to be a part of it makes me really happy.

Remember, the first hundred guests are comp’d so try to come early if you’re poor. You can reserve a ticket here.

Roaches

Fri, 11 Jul 2008 18:27:00 -0400

It’s hard for me to write this. I think I have a roach problem. They’re not crawling all over the place or anything, in fact I’ve only seen two since I moved in on May 12th. But in a way, this is worse. It seems like they only come out every once in a while just to instill the fear in me that they exist.

I saw the first cockroach the day after I moved in. My stuff was still unpacked, and was scattered all over the place. It was early in the morning and I was laying on my bed when I saw an enormous roach scurrying across the floor. I froze. Terrified, I watched it crawl under my refrigerator. I put my head back in defeat. I had moved into a cockroach infested apartment. I couldn’t help but imagine a huge colony of insects running around behind my kitchen appliances, plotting how they were going to crawl into my mouth while I slept. I was still thinking about this when the cockroach reemerged and slowly crawled toward my nightstand. I leapt up, I got a huge roll of paper towels and I silently crept toward the bug. It was so big, and I really didn’t want to have to feel it crush in my hands, so I decided to try to trap it in the paper towel and throw it out the window. That didn’t work. The cockroach freaked out, I freaked out, I had to kill it. I didn’t want to. It just happened.

At first I was sure that there were tons of cockroach witnesses. Who saw me kill their brother or their friend or whoever he was. I felt like they were plotting revenge. Every night I got home I was scared to turn on the lights because I thought I’d just see my floor covered in cockroaches. Opening closets was hard to do without bracing myself. But eventually I started to rationalize, that cockroach must have come into my apartment by accident. That’s why he crossed the floor in broad daylight, that’s why he didn’t stay behind the fridge, that’s why he got so scared when I tried to help him. I finally started feeling comfortable in my place. After almost 2 months, I was confident. Then there was yesterday.

The cockroach I saw yesterday wasn’t any bigger than the first one. But he was on the toilet seat. To me, thinking that cockroaches are coming out of my toilet is pretty much the worst thing that can happen. I killed this one without mercy, I flushed the toilet and pushed him in. I did feel bad, but I’m operating out of fear, not moral code. So now I’m stuck. Do I get roach traps? I’m afraid that will just attract more. Do I call my landlord? I bet he’d set set up traps. Do I start sleeping with protective netting? Where do they sell that?

In a way this whole thing makes me feel like a true New Yorker. Not just because of this problem so many of us share. But because I know that this means I have to harden as a person. I’m a 6 foot tall human being. And even the biggest cockroach I’ve seen isn’t more than a few inches long. I am smarter. I am faster. I have paper towels. I have a toilet that I can flush. I don’t necessarily want to say “Bring it on.” But if these cockroaches want to keep showing up one at a time every other month. I’m ready.

Famous Last Words

Wed, 09 Jul 2008 23:44:00 -0400

I just got a netflix account a few weeks ago and I’ve been trying to rent all the classic movies I should have seen but haven’t. One movie on my list was Dead Man Walking. I thought the movie was pretty cool, but I think I was more into the whole idea behind the subject matter. The death penalty to me is just insane. I realize the guys on death row have done some pretty fucked up things, but thinking about having to know when you’re going to die really terrifies me.

I think the way the whole thing works is especially confusing. The death penalty seems to mainly be about justice, you take a life, the government takes yours. But it’s not really an eye for an eye. A murder victim doesn’t usually get to have a last meal of his or her choice, they don’t get to say goodbye to loved ones, they don’t have the opportunity to leave the world with thoughtful final words. I don’t know that there’s any way I would try to improve the process, it just seems weird.

Anyway, after the movie I felt compelled to spend about an hour googling the last words from convicts on death row. It was both interesting and addicting, albeit kind of morbid. The site I (enjoyed?) the most I think is this one. Particularly because I can read a convicts crime, their last meal and their final words. It’s so strange to read about someone like Like Karl Chamberlain, a murderer and rapist who for his last meal was entitled to a variety of fresh fruit and vegetables, cheese, lunch meat, deviled eggs, six fried cheese-stuffed jalapenos, a chef salad with ranch dressing, onion rings, french fries, a cheeseburger, two fried chicken breasts, barbecue pork rolls, an omelet, milk and orange juice. I don’t believe in the death penalty, but I do believe in not being a hypocrite. Is that really how justice works?

Before I go I’ll leave you with my favorite read. An inmate named Monty Delk, who murdered a man after going to his house under the pretense of buying his car. “Monty Delk was one of death row’s most notorious inmates. Prison officials said that he showered without removing his coveralls or using soap, and that his personal odor was so offensive, he had to be segregated from the other inmates so as to avoid making them ill. In interviews, he claimed to be over 129 years old, having previously been a district judge and a submarine commander.” His last words, among a string of profanities were, “I am the warden! Get your warden off this gurney and shut up! You are not in America. This is the island of Barbados. People will see you doing this.”

If you have a few free minutes, aren’t alone in your scary apartment, and have an odd fascination with death and capital punishment I really recommend checking this shit out.

The Cat Googler

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 22:44:00 -0400

A few weeks ago at work I came back to my computer to find someone had google searched “hot air balloons.” I found this odd, but I ignored it and went about my day. A few hours later I returned to my computer to find the same search. That’s when I asked, “Who searched hot air balloons on my computer?” No one confessed, so slightly confused, I again went about my day. Since then it’s happened almost every day consistently. I’ll come back to my computer after lunch, or a bathroom break or a meeting, to find someone has googled “hot air balloons.” Not even image searched, just a regular search.

I think the growing flustered and frantic reactions to this mystery has only fueled the fire. Now I believe there to be somewhat of a conspiracy going on. Where once it was just one odd (yet clever) individual, now it seems to be a whole slew of people who are out to get me.

I think one of the main reasons this is so upsetting to me is because I really wish I had thought of it. It’s so subtle, so infuriating, so genius. I hate being the victim of a prank I want to be playing. This video posted to Vimeo today shows how this prank is escalating. Twice today hot air balloons have become the background of my computer.

So Mystery Hot Air Balloon Googler, whoever you are, good work. I hate you. But good work.

A Change

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 16:25:00 -0400

If you’re at my website right now instead of reading this post in your dashboard you’ll notice I’m using a new theme, slightly customized with help from Amir Cohen. I mostly decided to change things up because I think this theme is more conducive to text posts- as demonstrated by Patrick Cassels- and I want to start writing more.

I’m going to try to take a page out of my mom’s handbook and really put some more thought and effort into posts rather than tumbling photos and re-blogging my friends (although I’m sure that will sneak through from time to time.)

Well, anyways, that’s it. Talk to you soon, new blog!

I helped Jesff Rosenberg organize his wallet yesterday. It was...

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 14:20:00 -0400

I helped Jesff Rosenberg organize his wallet yesterday. It was insane the amount of shit he had, there were 4 Metro Cards in there. It’s still a work in progress, I think when he spends the 19 dollars he had in singles it will look even slimmer.

Where The Hell is Matt's Girlfriend?

Tue, 01 Jul 2008 15:20:00 -0400

Where The Hell is Matt's Girlfriend?:

rickyv:

You’ve seen where Matt was, now see what his girlfriend was up to.

Made by our talented production team in a single afternoon last Friday.

Digg if you dig, of course.

This video is extra special to me because it came from an idea I had. Everyone else did a really great job with all the hard work. And Sam is a stronger man than I for his ability to direct a bunch of dude’s pretending to bang his girlfriend!

Jake's Really Quick Movie Reviews: Wall-E

Mon, 30 Jun 2008 10:44:00 -0400

Wall-E was awesome.